AFFAIR-PROOFING YOUR MARRIAGE

Avatar By Rev. Anthony Franklin (East Campus Pastor)

Strong and healthy marriages are built on a foundation of love, mutual respect, and trust. Unfortunately, many marriages fail due to the devastating pain caused by an affair. Affairs, however, do not just happen! Therefore, both parties must be intentional about safeguarding themselves against the common pitfalls and consequences of infidelity. How can you guard and protect your marriage against an affair? Here are four tips that can be helpful:

1) Know the Warning Signs.
Do you find yourself sharing deep thoughts and feelings with a member of the opposite sex? Do you discuss the details of your marriage and problems with that person? Do you find yourself sexually attracted to another person and imagine being with that person romantically? Do you leave out details of your day because they include spending time with that person? Do you lie to your spouse about time spent with this person? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then you are in danger of having an affair. Be honest with yourself and do not ignore these warning signs.

2) Know the Danger Zones
The workplace and the internet can be dangerous to your marriage. Many people who engage in affairs meet at work or online. If you are having problems in your marriage, discuss it with a counselor or pastor. Not with a friend or colleague of the opposite sex. If there is a coworker that you feel you’ve developed an attraction for, protect your marriage by not spending time alone with that person. A good rule of thumb in terms of preventing an affair is to ask yourself “would I be doing or saying this if my spouse was here?” If the answer is “no,” then you may be walking into the danger zone of infidelity.

Avoid meetings with members of the opposite sex outside of the workplace. f you are in a profession that requires lunch or dinner meetings with clients of the opposite sex, don’t have these meeting alone. Bring someone with you, abstain from alcoholic beverages and keep your spouse informed of your whereabouts.

3) Maintain Clear Emotional & Physical Boundaries
Having vulnerability plus opportunity can lead to an affair. Women are more likely to become emotionally entangled when they are not bonded in their primary relationship. They can wind up seeking that bond elsewhere. Men on the other hand, can be susceptible to an affair despite feeling close to their wife.

Here’s a word of caution, many marriages today are damaged by emotional affairs. Some indications of emotional involvement include sharing inappropriate, intimate or personal information. This type of cheating can occur via email, chat rooms or other social media forums. You can avoid emotional cheating by staying clear of personal relationships on the internet.

Having a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex can also pose a potential danger to your marriage. Therefore, I always advise couples to establish friendship with other couples once they’re married. It’s always best to keep things strictly business at the office and maintain professional boundaries with friends or co-workers.

4) Maintain a Strong Connection with Your Spouse
My wife and I make it a point to stay connected by keeping the lines of communication open. We check-in with each other during the day and make it a point to spend quality time together (i.e., date nights, time with friends, etc.).

It’s important to be aware of your emotional health to determine whether you’re vulnerable to an affair. Do not allow anger or unresolved conflict to build up over time. Otherwise, it can lead to bitterness or resentment. The Bible says, “Be angry without sinning. Don’t let the sun set on your anger. Don’t provide an opportunity for the devil.” (Ephesians 4:26-27 CEB).

Your marriage is your most important relationship. Therefore, avoid anything that could give infidelity a chance. Prevention is much better than repair.

ABOUT PASTOR ANTHONY
Pastor Anthony is the Campus Pastor of Christ Church (East Campus) located in Montclair, NJ. He also oversees the church’s Small Groups program and the Marriage Ministry.

Anthony is a graduate of Alliance Theological Seminary. He and his wife, Pastor Barbara, have been happily married since 1981and are the proud parents of two adult daughters and four grandchildren.

Pastor Anthony and his wife Barbara have counseled hundreds of couples as leaders of the Marriage Ministry at Christ Church.