Intimacy. Whether we acknowledge our need for it or not, all human beings crave the experience. From the very beginning of human creation, we have had a desire for closeness in relationships. In Genesis 2, God created Eve so that Adam wouldn’t be alone. The two weren’t designed to just be best or close friends, but to be in such close companionship that in the eyes of the Lord they were one.
Intimacy is more than sex and more than physical contact. To be truly intimate with someone is to know them and to be known by them in the deepest sense of the word. This is why my fiancé and I have chosen to refrain from acts of physical affection until marriage. Withholding from physical expressions like kissing, has given us the space to really get to know each other on a much deeper level.
You may be thinking, “But kissing isn’t bad! Why haven’t you kissed?!”
I will admit, it has not been easy, but after prayer and receiving Godly counsel, both my fiancé and I felt that this was how God as leading us to conduct our relationship. We set firm boundaries, and spend our time together focused on building trust, having fun, and developing an emotional connection without the pressures of sexual contact, and without wasting time distracted by physicality in the relationship.
My honey and I love each other, but we love God more. Refraining from kissing wasn’t about being prude, but about honoring God within our relationship. We desire to be pure before him, and one of the ways that we each chose to show our devotion to Him while dating is by saying no to the instant gratification of physical closeness in our relationship.
Intimacy brings with it a complete feeling of acceptance, and love as Christ defines it. True intimacy forces us to lay ourselves bare before our partner and demands that we be equally as open. In our culture, we have replaced intimacy with so many other things. We have even twisted sex and physical affection to call them intimacy. They can express intimacy, but alone are not it.
When I was a little girl my mother would dress me up in big poofy dresses that would match the frilly white socks. I’d go to the living room and my dad would stand in amazement and shower me with compliments of how beautiful I looked. I was elated.
In those moments I felt completely accepted, completely validated, and completely loved. I was unashamed, unafraid, and proud to show off who I was. This is how we should be with God and this is how our intimacy with others should feel. When we are satisfied with true intimacy with God through Christ and when our intimacy in romantic relationships is pure and unclouded, we remove the need for the false satisfaction of physical romance in our lives.
Physical touch is a byproduct of intimacy, and in the context of marriage can be a powerful illustration of our covenant relationship with God. Until then however, one day at a time (sometimes moment by moment) my fiancé and I are choosing to build on a firm foundation, and by God’s grace leaving the smooching until the day we say “I do.”
Francis is an early childhood teacher for Paterson Public Schools. She’s also on staff at Christ Church for the Children’s Ministry. She loves spending time with her family and friends. Eating is one of her favorite things to do. She looks forward to doing a lifetime of ministry with her husband-to-be, Hector Velez.
