Loneliness. The word seems almost obsolete in a world of instant gratification by digital connections. However studies show that there has been a decline in the number of meaningful connections and relationships that people have in their lives. In fact, the Singles in America Survey has reported that 57% of Millennials identify as feeling or being lonely.
When we dig a little deeper into the definition of loneliness, we can understand how this is possible.
According to Gallop research analysis, people have a need to believe that life has a purpose, a need to feel a sense of community and experience deep relationship, a need to be appreciated and respected, and a need to be listened to and heard. Beyond legitimate isolation, loneliness speaks to the sorrow and sadness that occur when our inherent need for companionship goes unmet. When the listed needs are not met, we can feel unconnected, unvalued, and even rejected. As the percentage of lonely millennials demonstrates, the emotion of loneliness can also affect people who have regular contact with others in a peer group.
But, there is hope. Loneliness, as I have defined it above can be quashed, combated and even prevented by taking proactive steps to engage our culture in way that is contrary to it. Below, we’ll consider three weapons to fight loneliness that not only ward it off in our own lives, but also in the lives of those around us if we are proactive and intentional about being our brothers’ keepers.
Community
We cannot live our lives in silos and we weren’t made to do so. Our desires for community and conversation are in us from birth. What’s more, they are a part our nature as human beings. We were designed by God to experience deep relationships that glorify God. When we approach every relationship with the ethics of integrity, purity, and authenticity guiding us, the result is always genuine community. Deep relationship requires a commitment to transparency and a level of vulnerability that cannot be solely expressed through Facebook likes and a swipe right. The heart of successful community is open communication.
Conversation
We must seek to serve others through our communications with them. This means taking the risk of approach or even being the first to text. It means not taking offense to declined invitations, and never feeling as though the people with whom we cross paths are not worth engaging. Intimacy is to know someone and to be known by them. We cannot know others unless we take the time to engage them in conversation. We cannot be rushed, but must take the time to listen and to respond. The Golden rule applies not just to our actions, but to our conversations as well. We all have the same need to feel that we are listened to and heard. By meeting this need in others, we are following Christ’s directive to treat others the way that we want to be treated.
Christ
Rejection hurts and can linger in a way that causes us to be understandably apprehensive toward others. It can place us in the middle of a war: internally struggling between preserving our hearts and stepping toward fulfilment of our inborn need for community. On our own we are incapable of winning this battle, no matter the side we choose to wave our white flag toward.
But this doesn’t have to be the case.
History records Christ as a prophet and speaker of timeless wisdom. The Bible records Him as deity and divine expression of God’s love for you (John 3:16-18). This author is recording Him as the only certain cure for loneliness that she has ever known. While there is something deeply satisfying about the feelings of love and acceptance that come from cultivating intimate friendships and from being rooted in a community, these things can be fleeting or even not enough.
If you have ever felt alone in the middle of a crowded room, or inadequate when faced with tremendous opportunity, you can understand the frailty of our human condition. Heaven however responds to these feelings with Jesus. To our feelings of inadequacy, Christ says, “Be silent! They are enough because I AM enough (1 Cor. 1:26-31). To our feelings of rejection Christ says, “Be silent! They are chosen and in me they are blessed (Eph. 1:3-5).“ To our loneliness Christ says, “Away, for I will never leave them (Matt. 28:20) and I have called them friend (John 15:15).” This powerful counter narrative is our own if we accept Jesus into our hearts.
It is both because of and with the sacrificial love of Christ that we approach community and conversation. Only when the love of God is the motive that stitches our actions together do they hold any value. A community without love is a community without intimacy, is a community that cannot fulfil the cry our hearts for belonging. A conversation without love is noise (1 Cor 13:1-3).
The cure for loneliness then is Christ himself and His love expressed in community and conversation.
Being salt and light can be as simple as saying “Hello.” In a culture that has over indulged the boundaries of proximity and territory to create norms that stigmatize friendliness and manners, we, the followers of Christ, can dare to challenge these social standards. We can humble ourselves by putting aside our shyness, our awkwardness, or even our past rejections. We can choose Christ, community, and conversation over being wallflowers. We can silence the narratives of loneliness and rejection by laying them at the cross and embracing the script for our identities that heaven has revealed in Christ. We can bloom in our relationships and choose to shower those around us with the love, grace, and acceptance that Christ has showered on us.
Opportunities to connect & converse
Christ Church has a number of opportunities to connect and to engage in meaningful conversation.
Young Adult Bible Study – 1, 3, & 4 Thursdays at the East Campus
Small Groups – Click here for more info on Small Groups for men, women & young adults.
Worship Service – Check out our new 5pm Service on Saturdays at the East Campus! Worship, the Word, and a unique opportunity to connect in the Fellowship Hall after service.
Loneliness is a real issue that can carry with it some very real, very intense feelings of depression. It could also be a symptom of a more serious issue. Your emotional health matters to us. If you or someone you know is struggling with feelings of isolation, depression, or thoughts of suicide please, utilize the resources below.
Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-TALK (8255)
National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE(7233)
Christ Church Pastoral Care 973-783-1010 ex 341
Crystal Brockington is a Young Adult Leader at Christ Church and a student at Dallas Baptist University (Online!). She enjoys writing, singing, and playing with other people’s children. Follow her shenanigans on social media @CTBrockington
